he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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