It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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