Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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