I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
