Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
