Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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