I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
