I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize