you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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