My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
