I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
