my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
