dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
