God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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