I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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