My friends, they love my intelligence
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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