just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
