Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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