He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
