stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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