Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
