WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize