I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
