I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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