I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
