Apparently you make a good broom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i drank out of a bidet.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When did angry sex become our thing?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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