now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the day after is always just damage control
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The adults are the big ones right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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