The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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