the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
