She's JV to your varsity
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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