best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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