Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Randomize
