You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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