I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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