I think my fart just growled at me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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