He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
