the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Are my feet made of real feet?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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