i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
