This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
