are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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