Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I deserve this hangover.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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