I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
