What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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