My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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