Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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