I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
