no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
