Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize