I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize