Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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