I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
