He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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