Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
