I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
