Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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