How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
