ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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