cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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