Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize