i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
