Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
