I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
