Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
