We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
