I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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