the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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