bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
