all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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