doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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