i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
