It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
