Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
